Well, I really am an idiot. I said some things about 3 months ago because of anger.
Then when confronted I lied because no one wants to lose their best friends. I feel like a horrible person.
I was so angry and deviant art my online journal thing was right there so I basically just vented it out. Being stupid and not thinking that they would actually ever read it. The people that i hurt wanted to off themselves and I tried over and over again to convince them not to, and something snapped. I was frustrated..."Why couldn't I convince them otherwise?" Or "they say people don't love them, what about me?"
I don't know maybe i was angry because I felt my feelings were being ignored and a whole bunch of other shit was going on in my life. That was probably it.

The truth is none of that stuff I wrote was true. It was in the moment anger and frustration and I just wrote without thinking or re reading any of it. My two best friends who i told and vented to were depressed and wanted to die and knowing all this I couldn't persuade them not to and I couldn't vent on how i felt about it to anyone else and it all bubbled out on this journal.

I hate not being friends with these people. We lived together. And I know the whole day I sat on the phone being made fun of but it doesn't matter. I don't care if you say something mean because I still want to be friends. I really dislike myself for what I wrote in my moment of anger and I am sorry. I know you'll probably think this is stupid if you read it but I really am sorry and I hope we can talk this out civilly because I know i was an idiot.

I guess that's really all I wanted to say.